I’m a huge fan. Huuuuge. I know I am putting this heavy question in good hands.
My boyfriend, my partner, my everything moved to another freakin’ continent for a new job and other I-live-in-a-foreign-country glory. The plan is for me to follow ASAP. My friend said, “That’s great. But what are you getting out of it? He moves. You follow. Where’s the 50/50 in that?” I think she has a good point. But the only answer I have is: I love him. And he’s going to let me name our first-born child Tito.
Am I blinded by love or am I seeing clearly?
–Tito’s future mom
Dear Tito’s future mom,
Does your friend pay these guys $14.00 a month to maintain an advice column? Did she pay this guy a tidy sum for an awesome logo? Did she have these guys make her some gorgeous letterpress calling cards? I doubt it. Beware of taking advice from a non-branded, non-professional.
I have a few questions. First, how attached are you to this freakin’ continent? Do you love yourself some North America? Do you have trouble seeing yourself living in one of her sister continents? Or, to the contrary, when it comes to your Canadian, American and Mexican brethren, can you take us or leave us, at least for a temporary spell? Let’s say you were single and an amazing opportunity arose for you in a different place, is it something you’d go after? If not, you may want to stay stateside. But if so, I think it’s fair to say you have an adventurous personality, adventurous enough to take this leap if you want.
But, before you pack your bags and schedule the going-away festivities, I have another question. You say the plan is for you to follow ASAP. Is this your plan, your everything’s plan or a plan that belongs to you both? Is your boyfriend finding a place for you to live, either with him or on your own? Is he scouting out people, places and things that’ll make your life there fun? Are you investigating job or school or other vocational activities in said continent? For this to go well, I think it has to be something you both want very badly.
Now, before you break your lease and sublet your place, I have yet another question. Can you make this move benefit your life in some way? Can you find a great job or a great academic program? Can you learn a new skill that’ll take you further in life? I don’t know what you do, but the dreams and goals you have for yourself can’t be put on hold or squelched by this move. You need your own live-in-a-foreign-country glory, too. This is where the 50/50 comes into play.
I disagree with your friend. I’m not saying you should go, but I am saying there could be something good for you, too, in this intercontinental mission, should you choose to accept it. If you go, go for yourself, go for an adventure, go for an experience, go to add some glue to your relationship; don’t go for your boyfriend, don’t go just for love, don’t go to save your relationship. See the difference? And know that if you choose to move, you two might break up, but you and Paris or Singapore or Capetown, wherever it is, might always stay together.
I should add, the romantic in me really wants everyone to find the yin to their yang, the lid to their pot, the ball to their chain. If there are two people in this world who want to name their first-born Tito, and if these two people have actually found each other, then I think crossing a few international borders in order to stay together is the least they could do.