Nicholas D. Kristof of the NYTimes surprises one (or sometimes a few) lucky individuals every year with a trip. This year just one lucky university student will win. You’ll travel with him and need to be capable of blogging about what you experience.
Le sigh, if only I were still in school. I’d love it if he took me to Africa to visit with some elephants. Anyway, if you want to go for it, you’ll find all the deets here.
Hi! Thanks for reading askpiper!
Dear Piper,
I work in an office in Central Europe. It’s a creative environment and as an American it’s a pretty sweet life experience, I thought. We just hired a new girl, a native, and before I had a chance to meet her she went around showing everyone a book she bought on Nazi’s and the occult, a book with a big swastika on the cover with Hitler and the rest of his assholes. It was just a general interest book, but it made me deeply uncomfortable because I am part Jewish and can never tell about these people. I took a photo of the book on her desk (in plain sight!) and I’m thinking of making a complaint to my manager (who is also Jewish.) Everyone here seems to think she is OK in having a special interest, but that would never play in an American office. It’s even sadder because she is kind of cute. Anyway, now I am deeply troubled. Should I swallow my anger or should I take action? What would you suggest?
–Deeply Troubled
Dear Deeply Troubled,
You’re on foreign soil, literally and socially. I caution you from doing what you’d do stateside under the notion of ‘that would never play in an American office.’ It’s not an American office. You don’t know the ramifications of taking things to managers. You may find yourself in an even stickier situation than you first intended.
But some things are universal; no one likes to be talked about behind her back. And most people appreciate a straight-forward approach. Talk to this cute fräulein and let her how the book makes you feel. Don’t ask what her beliefs are, don’t tell her what you think she should or should not be doing, just let her know seeing the book on a daily basis isn’t kosher for you.
Hopefully she’ll get it, and remove the book from her desk. If she doesn’t, and you still want to take action, do a little homework on how this kind of thing is handled in Central Europe; ask people who don’t work where you work, research it online. Know the rules. Then work them in your favor.
Lastly, not that I’m down with blaming the victim, but, isn’t this what international experiences are about? Taking the good with the bad? Exploring how we’re all the same, yet, also so vastly different? You picked up and moved yourself to a different country; no easy feat. That takes guts and a thick skin. Surely you knew it wasn’t going to be all Oktoberfest and lederhosen. Just remember, this is just one small bump on the autobahn that is this great adventure you’ve chosen!
–Piper
Dear Piper,
I am a size 5, and a little taller than 5-feet, lady. I am moving to Germany and have a few concerns. First: how the hell am I going to travel with three 70-pound suitcases that are the same height as me? Second: how the hell am I going to be able to convert my strict diet of street-meat and protein shakes, to a diet filled with sausage and creme? I am worried my little body is not going to be able to handle all this change. What is a midget to do?
–Germans
Dear Germans,
The second most useful place to have a lot of 1-dollar bills is the airport. Bat your eyes at every porter and skycap and start to grease their palms with your Benjamins.
And speaking of greasy hands, here’s what to do with all that sausage. Go ahead and order it, all the sausage and creme a girl can handle. Then take out your protein power and dump it on top. Roll the sausages around in the powder; the powder will soak up the creme and make a really nasty paste. Scoop the paste away and eat your newly de-cremed sausages! Yum!
On a different note, I have some German jokes for you.
Q: How do you saw ‘bra’ in German? A: Stoppen from floppen.
Q: How do you say ‘Vaseline’ in German? A: Weiner-schleiden.
Q: How do you say ‘virgin’ in German? A: Gooden-tite.
–Piper
Dear Piper,
If I go to England for a month then diet and lose 10 pounds, is England 10 pounds heavier when I leave?
–Wrye
Dear Wrye,
Yes, and no. One British stone equals 14 US lbs. So, if you lose 10 lbs. over there, and you want to figure out how many stones that is, you multiply 100 x 10 then divide by 14 and you’ll calculate that you’ve actually lost 71.42% of a stone. But you’re not sure of your math, so you go to the local pub to figure it out again, with the help of a pint. Ten pints later you think your numbers are spot on but perhaps obsolete given the 10 pints. So you go to the loo and take a piss, which helps you lose .57 lbs. which is exciting until you try to figure that out in stones and you realize that, despite the Brits being snazzy dressers, the weather blows and you’re sick of Indian food and so you come home perhaps 10 lbs. lighter but with the weight of the world on your shoulders.
–Piper
Dear Piper,
I’m a huge fan. Huuuuge. I know I am putting this heavy question in good hands.
My boyfriend, my partner, my everything moved to another freakin’ continent for a new job and other I-live-in-a-foreign-country glory. The plan is for me to follow ASAP. My friend said, “That’s great. But what are you getting out of it? He moves. You follow. Where’s the 50/50 in that?” I think she has a good point. But the only answer I have is: I love him. And he’s going to let me name our first-born child Tito.
Am I blinded by love or am I seeing clearly?
Yours,
–Tito’s future mom
Dear Tito’s future mom,
Does your friend pay these guys $14.00 a month to maintain an advice column? Did she pay this guy a tidy sum for an awesome logo? Did she have these guys make her some gorgeous letterpress calling cards? I doubt it. Beware of taking advice from a non-branded, non-professional.
I have a few questions. First, how attached are you to this freakin’ continent? Do you love yourself some North America? Do you have trouble seeing yourself living in one of her sister continents? Or, to the contrary, when it comes to your Canadian, American and Mexican brethren, can you take us or leave us, at least for a temporary spell? Let’s say you were single and an amazing opportunity arose for you in a different place, is it something you’d go after? If not, you may want to stay stateside. But if so, I think it’s fair to say you have an adventurous personality, adventurous enough to take this leap if you want.
But, before you pack your bags and schedule the going-away festivities, I have another question. You say the plan is for you to follow ASAP. Is this your plan, your everything’s plan or a plan that belongs to you both? Is your boyfriend finding a place for you to live, either with him or on your own? Is he scouting out people, places and things that’ll make your life there fun? Are you investigating job or school or other vocational activities in said continent? For this to go well, I think it has to be something you both want very badly.
Now, before you break your lease and sublet your place, I have yet another question. Can you make this move benefit your life in some way? Can you find a great job or a great academic program? Can you learn a new skill that’ll take you further in life? I don’t know what you do, but the dreams and goals you have for yourself can’t be put on hold or squelched by this move. You need your own live-in-a-foreign-country glory, too. This is where the 50/50 comes into play.
I disagree with your friend. I’m not saying you should go, but I am saying there could be something good for you, too, in this intercontinental mission, should you choose to accept it. If you go, go for yourself, go for an adventure, go for an experience, go to add some glue to your relationship; don’t go for your boyfriend, don’t go just for love, don’t go to save your relationship. See the difference? And know that if you choose to move, you two might break up, but you and Paris or Singapore or Capetown, wherever it is, might always stay together.
I should add, the romantic in me really wants everyone to find the yin to their yang, the lid to their pot, the ball to their chain. If there are two people in this world who want to name their first-born Tito, and if these two people have actually found each other, then I think crossing a few international borders in order to stay together is the least they could do.
–Piper
