We are all editors of culture, claims the mastermind behind kidnappedculture.com. But some of us edit with a more discerning eye than others. Visit his site often for a dose of the carefully curated, the delightfully described and the overtly offered.
April showers bring May flowers. And in honor of flowers I bring you KatFlower; the florist with an eye for color, composition and all things beautiful. She’s available for your wedding, birthday, anniversary, bat mitzvah, game night, dinner soiree, mother’s day, father’s day, arbor day…whatever! She also gives great workshops and has an inspiring blog that you should check out on rainy days and mondays so you don’t get down. Vive le fleur!
In honor of Earth Day, I give you Granola Girl. A little bit crunchy, a little bit glam, a whole lotta Spiritual Gangsta. Get it, Raquel!!!! She’s a friend of mine who wil be your new BFF go-to for how to stay fly and feel good about it. Read her and enjoy!
In honor of (or deference to) tax day, I’ll let you know about my awesome tax guy/financial guru/real estate attorney/pal, Scott Gutterson. Scott’s been doing my taxes for close to ten years, and along the way he’s offered me some sound money advice, too. Whether you’re in New York City or not, Scott can help. Be ready for him to tell it like it is, however. Real estate, write offs, retirement accounts…these aren’t matters to be taken lightly. Scott is frank, fast and funny. The three most important F’s when it comes to managing your dollar billzzz, ya’ll.
For a sample of Scott, check out this collection videos where he talks about how to shop for a mortgage, how to buy a car and the ins and outs of stocks and bonds.
You can reach Scott here. Happy filing!
“Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.”
Every Monday I’m gonna put a friend on blast—not out of nepotism, but out of being a straight up fan. Today, meet Cara of shedontcara. A self-described lifestyler, producer, creative cook, health nut, jewelry designer, spinner, yogi and soon to be certified wellness coach.
I worked with Cara in a former life, and not only does she give good conference call, she’s fun to travel with, too. Check out her blog to learn a myriad of things like how to make PizzaFlower Bread…and how to look foxy on a yoga mat.
I guess I hit a nerve, because my last post garnered the highest number of views since askpiper hit the web in ’04. Since the world doesn’t need another freaking mommy blog (and especially since the perfect one already exists right here) I refuse to go down that path.
I do, however, have this to add to my most recent post:
6. When are you going back to work?
It’s the greatest paradox. All through our 20s and 30s, women are asked (literally and subtlety) when we’re going to get married and spawn. A friend of mine, upon getting her MBA, was told by her mother, “Congrats. But I’m not sure how that thing is going to get you a husband.” Then, as soon as we do put our uteri to work and breed, we’re asked when we’re going to leave our newborns with a stranger, or a group of strangers or a willing relative and return to the work force so we can quickly learn the impossibility of having it all.
I first got asked this question just a few weeks after delivery. I write for a living and at the time I was so sleep deprived I was having trouble forming sentences and remembering words. Typing? Wow, that seemed much too physical a task to tackle. The question confused me; especially considering most people think giving birth requires a lobotomy (see question number 4). How could I go back to work without a brain?
My doctor had advised me not to have sex until 6 weeks after delivery. I figured that held true for commuting, too—in New York City it can be just as physical and invasive. And don’t even get me started on the backwardness of the US compared to other countries when it comes to maternity/paternity leaves!
So don’t ask a new mom when she’s going back to work, unless you’re her boss and you’re calling to give her a raise, a promotion or, a la Melissa Meyer, to tell her about the nursery you’re busy building right next to her cubicle to ease her return.
(photo from examiner.com)
1. So when’s the next one coming?
Before this thought even crosses your mind, let alone your lips, just sit down (because you can! you can sit down without wincing, without breaking into an immediate pain-management sweat, without first looking around for your inflatable donut contraption, without counting the minutes ’til your next sitz bath! lucky you!) …sit down and think about it. How likely would you be rubbing your hands together, eagerly planning the ‘next one’ after squeezing a human being out of one of your orifices? Trust me, you wouldn’t be. And she’s not either, so shut up with your stupid future plans for a uterus that isn’t even yours and do the right thing…bring a casserole, smile at the baby, then leave. If you must stay, start doing laundry.
2. Is the baby sleeping through the night?
No. It’s a baby. They are programmed to have big, beautiful, curious, helpless eyes that never stay shut long enough for their parents to even encroach on anything looking like REM sleep. Don’t ask this question because it will send any mom into an immediate state of panic–Should she be sleeping through the night? What am I doing wrong? It’s a wrap, I’m the worst mom ever. If you feel compelled to ask this question you must follow it up with an offer to take the baby for an entire night so you can see for yourself. It’s either that or make her a casserole. So, make your bed, then lie awake in it, okay?
3. Are you breastfeeding?
This should be a no brainer. If you’ve never seen the new mom’s boobs, you have no business inquiring about them. Take your dirty mind to the kitchen and make her a casserole.
4. Can you even remember your life before baby?
Most deliveries consist of a baby entering the world via a vagina or an incision. A vigorous google search will not serve up deliveries that require lobotomies. Yes, she remembers that life. There are artifacts of it all over the place…the bottle of Scotch in the cupboard that only her man has touched, the cute kitten-heels in her closet her swollen feet may never be reunited with, the make up she used to wear, the toothbrush she used to use, the dog she used to remember to feed. She remembers that life and in it you once made her a casserole and it made her very happy. Be a dear and take her on a trip down memory lane, why don’t you?
5. Are you going to vaccinate/pierce her ears/circumcise him/hire a nanny/take her to daycare/give her a tramp stamp/let her cuss like a sailor/teach him French/let her juggle knives…etc.
Leave the future in the future. New mom’s brain is hormone-assaulted and not ready to make all kinds of plans that are probably none of your business. The only thing she’s planning to do is tear through that casserole you were nice enough to bring, so be a peach and go pop it in the oven, okay?
There’s a good reason for the lack of posts lately. She arrived Jan. 26th and she’s a wonderful handful. She’s good. Mom’s good. It’s all good.
And consider askpiper now ready for a whole new category of advice: pregnancy/babies/motherhood. So bring me your questions about trimesters and hemorrhoids and baby acne and the odd joy of hearing you call yourself ‘mommy’ for the first time. I’ll answer them as soon as I get up from this nap.
Last night the Miss Universe pageant was on. I saw it in my TWC guide, but chose to watch Crazy Stupid Love instead. Although confident in my decision to elevate Ryan Gosling over a beauty competition, I am sad I missed out on the National Costume portion of Miss Universe. As this blog post shows, some over-bedazzled histrionics went down. Be sure to read the captions for added entertainment value. And let me know your fave. I’m partial to Italy, who, this year, apparently created their costume under the ‘Long Hair, Don’t Care’ dictum.