Dear Piper,

if i have a package of ground beef that says, “use by jan. 3rd,” and i put it in the freezer on jan. 3rd, can i thaw it and cook with it? or do you think it’s gone bad?

–Mad Cow

Dear Mad Cow,

I think it’s OK because the freezer is like a time machine that freezes time. So inside your freezer it’s still Jan. 3rd. Just play according to the Jan. 3rd rules whenever you cook the beef: pretend there’s still a writer’s strike, there’s still mayhem in the Democratic party and there’s still global warming when you serve up that bovine. I mean, come August 2008 will any of that really be a stretch?

–Piper